[초등첨삭 20탄] 내 아이 영어 Writing 실력은? > 초등영어 게시판

아래의 컨텐츠는 초등학생이 직접 작성한 영어작문을 원어민 선생님이 실제로 첨삭지도 한 내용입니다.
또래 아이들의 영어작문 결과를 통해 내 아이 작문기초!! 살~작 엳보는 기회로 활용하세요.
같은주제로 내 아이에게 직접 써보게 하시는 것도 Writing 실력을 Up시키는 좋은 방법입니다.

[작문주제입니다]

If you were to travel to a desert what would you bring?

[학생이 작성한 Essay 원문이며 빨간표시는 원어민 선생님이 첨삭(수정)한 부분입니다]

I will go to the desert and 1. i 2. will 3. bite 4. and i will 5. have i will go and 6. will live 7. and 8. the tent or 9. the quarters which 10. i will 11. buy 12. i 13. will 14. bite and the 15. money and the food the money of accident extra 16. remains 17. and 18. buys 19. the flight nothing 20. bread and 21. the milk 22. and 23. to 24. divide, 25. if to the children who 26. is 27. sick 28. and 29. poverty of tens of thousands is 30. those children who 31. will 32. do 33. to 34. treat 35. the 36. sick place 37. is 38. and 39. eps 40. to give 41. a pain 42. the 43. poverty which wants is the thing. 44. Also 45. will be 46. difficult plentifully 47. and wearing out 48. sleeps, 49. does not have 50. the 51. left book 52. feeling 53. in the thing which lives like this 54. and not 55. to make be does as a favor and of 56. course 57. is will be many will 58. hang and 59. to do 60. wants but 61. or even from 62. alone insufficient and that 63. the numerous children 64. dies and 65. is being born 66. and the 67. force litter is 68. same 69. plentifully 70. and but 71. or one 72. helps and.

[원어민 선생님의 유혈별 첨삭내용이며 어떻게 써야 더 알맞은 표현인지 알 수 있는 대목입니다]

Grammar_Articles(the, a or an)/관사 2. will : a 8. the : a 9. the quarters : quarters, 14. bite : a bite, 21. the milk : milk 28. and : and the 41. a : the 50. the : a 63. the numerous : numerous
Grammar_Prepositions(on, at, from, by, to.....)/전치사 7. and : in 35. the : at the 42. the : of 58. hang : hang on
Grammar_Conjunction(and, but)/접속사 4. and i : I 66. and the : The 70. and but : but 72. helps and : helps
Grammar_Capitalization/대소문자 10. i : I 12. i : I 20. bread : Bread
Grammar_Conjugation/동사변화활용 18. buys : to buy 59. to do : do
Grammar_Punctuation/부호사용 3. bite : bite. 11. buy : buy. 27. sick : sick, 44. Also : Also, 56. course : course,
Essay Format_Sentence Structure/문장의 구성 5. have i will go : go 6. will live : live 13. will : will grab 15. money and the food the money of accident extra : extra money and food 16. remains : that remained 17. and : will be used 19. the flight nothing : other things for the flight back. 25. if to : among 29. poverty of tens of thousands is : the tens of thousands of poor 30. those children : children 36. sick place : hospital. 40. to give : ease 43. poverty which wants is the thing : poverty 45. will : it will 46. difficult plentifully : very difficult 47. and wearing out : to 49. does : especially if one does 51. left book : book 52. feeling : to read. 53. in the thing which lives : Living 55. to make be does as a favor : favorable 57. is will be many : many 60. wants : what he wants, 61. or even from : being 62. alone : alone is 65. is being born : born. 67. force litter : litter
Essay Format_inappropriate Words/단어사용 적절성 1. i : have 22. and : will 23. to : be 24. divide, : divided 26. is : are 31. will : have 32. do : to 33. to : be 34. treat : treated 37. is : We 38. and : must 39. eps : also 48. sleeps : sleep 54. and : is 64. dies : die 68. same : still 69. plentifully : big 71. or : no

[학생이 작성한 작문에 대해 원어민 선생님이 아래와 같이 코멘트를 남겨 주셨네요]

Thank you for sharing your ideas. I'm sure that you had a lot to say, but unfortunately, your ideas were all scrambled up. Try to study basic sentence construction first. Write a list of your main points and make an outline. This will make your essay more organized. Avoid using big, flowery vocabulary. Stick to simple words and expression!!s to help your reader understand your message more clearly. Make sure that the introduction, body, and conclusion are present. Identify your main idea and wrok your way around that. The essay has to have direction. Keep practicing, okay? Good luck!

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