[초등영작 1탄] 작문실력 100배 올리기 프로젝트!! > 초등영어 게시판

아래는 초등학생이 직접 작성한 영어작문을 원어민 선생님이 실제로 첨삭지도 해 주신 내용입니다.

또래 아이들의 영어작문 결과를 통해 내 아이 작문기초도 엳보는 좋은 예가 되시길 바랍니다.

[학생이 작성 할 작문제목 입니다.]

Your city has decide to build a statue or monument to honor a famous person in your country. Who would you choose?

[학생작문이 작성한 원문입니다. 빨간 밑줄은 첨삭(수정이) 필요한 단어 및 문장이구요.]

If our city 1. had decide to 2. bulid a statue or monument to honor a famous person, it 3. will be 4. the Kim Sang Gon. He is the Kyeong Ki Do schooling project team master. He 5. chosen by the people but this vote was 6. most less people ever 7. people voted. 8. And his policy is 9. happy for us and not good for us. His one of policy is 10. hair free. Our school 11. are restricted. Our school has a rule 12. for hair. Do not 13. over your 14. back hair your 15. collar, do not 16. over your side hair over the ear, and do not 17. over your front hair 18. by eyebrow. 19. And the other policy is 20. free clothes. In 21. Korean middle school and high school, students wear a 22. uniform, but Kim Sang Gon's 23. one of the policy is free clothes, so we don't have to wear 24. uncomfortable uniform.
But the bad 25. policy is we will be 26. equality. So when we study hard, this will be very 27. bad. Becuae I study hard to go to 28. the good high school but 29. we will be equality, 30. so It's nothing that I studied.

[원어민 선생님이 문법별로 자세하게 첨삭해 준 내용입니다. 어떤부분을 어떻게 써야 올바른 표현인지 알수 있는 대목이죠]

Spelling/철자 2. bulid : build
Grammar_Articles(the, a or an)/관사 4. the Kim : Kim 21. Korean : the Korean 24. uncomfortable : an uncomfortable 28. the : a
Grammar_Prepositions(on, at, from, by, to.....)/전치사 29. we will be : with
Grammar_Conjunction(and, but)/접속사 8. And his : His 19. And the : The
Grammar_Capitalization/대소문자
Grammar_Conjugation/동사변화활용 1. had decide : has decided 3. will : would 5. chosen : was chosen 11. are : is
Grammar_Punctuation/부호사용 22. uniform, but : uniform. But 27. bad. Becuae : bad because
Essay Format_Sentence Structure/문장의 구성 10. hair free : about hair style 12. for hair : on hairstyle 14. back hair : hair back into 16. over your side hair : grow your hair 20. free : freedom with 23. one of the policy is free clothes, : has a policy on having the freedom with clothes. 30. so It's : it's like
Essay Format_inappropriate Words/단어사용 적절성 6. most less : the least 7. people voted : voted 9. happy : both satisfactory 13. over : pull 15. collar : collarbone 17. over : grow 18. by : over the 25. policy : thing 26. equality : equal

[원어민 선생님이 학생이 작문한 글에 대해 아래와 같이 코멘트를 남겨주셨네요.]

Hi there! You have good ideas and you have quite a good start. Your details are relevant specially on those parts that about Kim Sang Gon or the person you'd choose to have a monument. You explained why you you chose Kim Sang Gon but there were parts that you are out of focus. You must only focus with the topic. Specifically write about the reasons why you chose to honor Kim Sang Gon with a monument. Since you have to honor this person, you only have to state his notable achievements and qualities. Then try to organize all your details with transition words. You have correct sentences mostly but be careful with your words. They have to be correct in form and appropriate. Stick with the topic, okay? I believe you have good ideas. Good luck next time.

1탄은 여기까지 입니다. 2탄 Coming soon~~~

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